You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
