im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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