dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
