i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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