I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
