You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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