he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
