Cold hands, warm shart.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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