Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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