i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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