My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
