I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
