I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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