So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
