Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize