Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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