all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
