I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need to align my fucking chakras
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
