Tell her she can't have a vagina
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You dont lie about slip and slides
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
