Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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