fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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