Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
