Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
