No awkward lesbian experiences without me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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