He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
