Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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