I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize