no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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