hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
