Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
