Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
