i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
