so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
