sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
