WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
