I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
