i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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