I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
