Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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