dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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