He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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