In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize