My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hope mine doesn't look like that
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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