I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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