She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
