i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
