nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
