So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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