So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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