i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
