I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
