glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
