I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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