actually, I'm a sock model
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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