So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Welp...herpes.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
