I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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