Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
