ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
God, you're like boner-b-gone
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize