i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
