Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
