I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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