so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
