rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
