"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
