i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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