His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
