My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
