I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
