Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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