Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize