he thought i was a dude.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
